The Cat in the Hat
My neighbor Ted Giesel is up to his old tricks again. This time he took a swipe at the Design Review board chair in the Capitol Hill neighborhood who has been on his soap box adding hundreds of thousands of dollars to apartment projects to make housing even more unaffordable than it already is. Since Ted is keen to what these types of predatory delays are really about, he found a funny way of describing how one small group of hand picked referrals can lead to housing problems in our neighborhoods.
The sun did not shine.
It was too wet to play.
So we sat in the house
All that cold, cold wet day.
I sat there with Sally.
We sat there, we two.
And I said, “oh how I wish
We were on design review”
We looked!
then we saw him step on the mat!
We looked!
And we saw him!
The cat in the hat!
The Cat said “I can get you on,
and let you be verbal
You can easily get on
with a board member referral
I know some good games to play,
I know excuses that cause a delay”
Then Sally and I
Did not know what to say.
We NIMBYs have been waiting,
For exactly this day.
“now now! Have no fear”
Have no fear” said the cat.
“these projects need us,
They need our precious feedback”
“look at me!
Look at me!
Look at me now!
I can blame it on guidelines
Because I know how!”
“the massing and concept”
The cat waved his wand
“The setbacks and context
They must correspond!”
“and what about trees?
Do you think we cant see?
Why, you must consider these
For it’s guideline PL3!”
“your budget, your pricing
Forget about that
You must listen to me
The cat in the hat!”
That is what the cat said. . .
He didn’t seem to care
He told us this is the power of the review board chair.
So Sally and I began to feel some despair.
The YIMBYs are here
They are finally near
And this time, they listen
To what we NIMBYs fear
They know what this is
This whole design review
It’s a cause for delay
By the handpicked few
So, as fast as you can, please pass housing through
For the whole city is now watching your design reviews.
Again, Ted is just concerned his children will grow up in an unaffordable city that is hindered by development bottlenecks with hand picked referrals demanding bricks on every project even though they live in a wood sided house.
